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TheGr8Merlyn's Journal

Musings, Thoughts, and such

It's been too long
Warholian Me
This journal has been empty for way too long.  Things that have happened since last time I posted.. I've been admitted to the hospital and put on heart, blood pressure, and a diarhetic.. that looks like I may be on for life.. if things don't change drastically.  I can't pussyfoot around about this.. I am almost 30 and I don't know if I will live past 35... I am so scared..  Scared straight as those stupid TV shows would put it.  I love those people who are in my life, and I want to make sure I am therre for them in the next 30 years.  Tomorrow starts the day of change.. I am going to go jogging at like 5:30 in the morning.. Which means I should be asleep right now.  Good night and wish me good luck. 

Warholian Me
I figured it was finally time to start trying to post my thoughts every once in a while.  I think this may help me work out some issues that
have been plaguing me lately. 

First things first.. As usual my job sucks.  Its the most lack luster piece of bullshit work I think I've ever done.  I really used to like doing what I do.. but I think it was due to breaking the monotony of taking phone calls from idiot customers all day.  Testing used to be something I could just lose myself in.  Now all I do is sit there and try to think of things other than work.  8 hours of trying to do anything but work.  I still get my job done, but its driving me nuts.  I miss talking to people.  I miss the semi-relationships that developed at Pizza Hut.  I used to have friends where I worked.  I could go out and do things with them.  Poker nights.. man I miss those.  If I don't do something soon I don't know what will happen.

Secondly.. My weight is starting to bother me again.  I can't run.. I can't jog.. I can't do shit without sweating.  1 fucking flight of stairs and I feel like I might die.  I know only I can do something about this but I really need help from someone to get me out and moving again.  I miss being able to do things that were even semi active.  I've been playing a lot of Magic lately and the card shop depresses me so much.  I see these almost 40 year olds that are like 300-400lbs and I'm like this is what I'm becoming.  I realize also sitting here in front of the computer isn't helping.  If anyone out there who reads this is in the Wichita, KS area and is looking for a work out partner (concentrating on cardio and leaning out muscles (I'm not looking to add weight to my frame.)) fucking let me know.  I am sick of this shit and I just need help.  I don't know if I will live past 35 at the current rate I am going.  I really feel all I need is someone to come push me along.

Thirdly.. Family and relationships are good.  Gina and I are still trying to get a wedding planned, and hope that things will work out here soon.  I want to be able to call her my wife so much.  I realize it's just a title, but it means something to me that I can't explain.  She is my world and everything in it.  I definitely don't know what I would do without her.  Her family has adopted me pretty much and it is a great thing.  My friends are doing great, but I don't see them as often as I should.  I miss the days where I could just go hang @ LQ and sit and bull shit for hours about stuff.. I guess that's part of the reason I am going to C&R as much as I am now.. not like regularly, but I have been there 2 fridays in a row.

I think that's going to do it for me right now, as writing this has depressed the shit out of me.  I'm just gonna curl up into a ball and cry and try to forget about the things that are bothering me. 

Another day spiraling the Center Circle of Hell
Warholian Me
Wow.. what can I say.  Another day.. another piece of my soul corrupted by the pieces of crap in this world.  I don't even feel like blogging about it right now.. laterz

Warholian Me
Ok.. first off I shouldn't even be awake right now.  I just can't sleep without having my fiance here, which sucks.  Luckily she will be back tomorrow.

Lets see how things started this morning.  Wake up.. think its really late when I look at clock on phone and then realize after I am in the shower it is only 6:30 instead of 7:30.  Take my time in the shower (15-20 min).  Its now time to take my meds and get a small bit of breakfast.  I grab the cereal and milk and reach for a bowl only to find we only have paper ones left and no spoons but huge ones clean (my fault).  Put everything away and then get dressed, forgetting to take my meds.  Go looking for my glasses, keys, and wallet.  Can't find keys and glasses.  Search for nearly 45 minutes tearing the house apart trying to find them..  Accidentally put them on the couch and then they magically dissappear into it.  Finally after thinking I might get to work early I arrive 8 minutes after 8(technically ontime as we just have to be in by 9, but I like to get off as early as possible which is 4).  After that my day improves a little as I have plenty of podcast goodness to listen to.  Lunch is crap.. and I need to stop eating all these fried foods, but keep forgetting my lunch at home.  After lunch I find out something is broken with a product that I was only supposed to helping with.  Of course I know I'm going to get blamed for it even though I have had no training on said product.  After I find that it is an issue with the current release but not with the next, I proceed to attempt to finish making subgroups for testing.  4:30 finally roles around.  I go to my fiance's parent's house to feed and water the cats.. guess what is waiting for me in the garage... a huge pile of cat puke. trying to avoid it I go inside accidentally letting one of the kittens into the house.. I then proceed to chase it down and toss it back outside.  I grab the food and a cup of water.. clean out the water dish and pour the food on the porch (they are outdoor cats so they don't have a bowl).  I then  proceed home realizing along the way I forgot my wrist brace that I am supposed to wear while sleeping at the office.  I get home and fix dinner (accidentally burnt my pizza because I left it in the oven).  Go out and realize that I forgot the mail.  Check the mail and finally some good things happen.  Gina got her presents today from my Dad.  Now I am the insominiac who can't fucking sleep.  Anyways.. I guess I will hop on UO and see.  TTYL.

To TV or Not To TV
Warholian Me
Anyone else not ready for the switch?  If you don't know what I am talking about you have been living under a rock for the past 2 years.  We are only due to the fact that we have cable.  I have my discount cards coming in the mail, and will converters after I have them, but I am wondering if I can pull out the $800 for the new TV I want outta my ass.  That is our gift to each other. 

In other news I am reading the second Twilight novel (New Moon), its not nearly as annoying the first one was when I read it before.  That being said I want to get into the Southern Vampire Tales, but don't want to look weird buying what basically amounts to a supernatural romance novel.  Is it sad that I ashamed and yet excited at the same time? 

On the Holiday side of things, My dad got me and Gina a couple of Christmas presents.  We on the other hand are giving everyone photos and cards.  Things are going good for us this season.  We aren't overspending which will hopefully help us keep everything in check. 

Well that is all.  I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas.  If I don't talk to you all again before the end of the Year, Happy New Year.

PS.  If you are still in the Wichita area, we are hosting a small get together for New Years.  Just Send me a message.

Christmas Time and all other things involved
Warholian Me
Normally I would say this is the best time of the year. Its cold, people don't bother you, and we get prezzies(birthday is in less than a month.. eww I'm gonna be 26)  and good food.  But for some reason I've been Scrooging it up lately.  My fiance bought a new plastic tree (can't have a real one since I am highly allergic) and its pre-lit with white lights.  I normally have a severe distaste for white lights (they are boring)  and for some reason just haven't been able to drop it.  Also the fact that we have a multicolored 6ft pre-lit sitting in her parent's garage makes me kinda annoyed.  But I just need to drop it an enjoy the season right? 

Onto other news.  My job is going ok.  I am just waiting for things to start ramping up again.  Gina is still searching for a new job, but hasn't found anything she is comfortable taking.  She is looking for entry level work.  The wedding is still looming (2010 is what we are shooting for) but we haven't really finalized anything.  I am still trying to go back to school to become a teacher as I don't think I can do my current job for too much longer.

Current stuff - Well I'm effing starving and just can't find anything here I want to eat.  Its 9PM on a Sunday in KS so my options are really limited.  I'm thinking McD's, BK, Taco Bell, or IHOP but am waiting to see if Gina wants anything.  Well can't wait till tomorrow.. back to the grindstone.  
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Warholian Me
Wow.. I hate being sick.  I got a flu shot to avoid this.  But of course I get sick everytime I get a flu shot so I should know better.  I used to never get sick, but that was in HS when I was actually somewhat healthy.  Hopefully I'll be able to get chicken and noodles tonight.. anyways.. off to bed for rest.

A good time to vent..
Well this is as good a time to vent as any other.. j/k.   I'm really actually kind of jazzed right now.  I woke up this morning feeling horrible, but was able to sleep it off (earache, stomachache, headache).  I sat around most of the day trying to get up and do something but finally realized I needed to lay down and let my head, stomach, and ear settle.  I read the rest of Orson Scot Card's Ender's Game today.  This is the first book I've read since Tolkien's The Hobbit in 4th grade that has made a severe impact on my thinking.  I am starting to realize finally how important the people I have in my life are.  I want to apologize to everyone who has had to witness me being a complete ass.  Its been since my mom died and it took me this long to realize that I wasn't being who I am meant to be.  I need to become a better person for everyone, but mostly for myself.  This is also going to become a more regular thing as I need to write what I feel, what inspires me, and most of all what is bothering me about the world.  I need to go back to school and get away from a job that, while I don't exactly hate, is not exactly what I want to do.  I want to teach, and I want to do something that gives back.  I will need the support of everyone around me to accomplish this, but it will be much easier now that I have had my head jarred.  I am going to go back this coming fall/winter.  This is my promise to all those I have failed before.  I will not fall again.

TV, Movies, and frustrations
Warholian Me
Well as always around this time I spend way too much money on useless crap.  It wouldn't be so horrible except the things I buy I don't even get to keep.. I waste my money going out to eat at nice restaurants, I waste my money on things I know I don't need, and as usual I severely dislike work.  Ok I take that back.. work is not nearly as bad as it could be.  I had all these gradiose thoughts about what I was going to do with my tax return and as always I waste it on useless crap, the only exception to this so far is that I bought my fiance a new Sidekick LX for her valentine's/birthday gift.  Minus that and I have almost nothing to show for the nearly $1200 dollars I had.  Ok so my post should be labeled frustrations, TV, and Movies, but I needed to get that stuff off my chest first.

Dead Like Me
- Probably the greatest show about death and undeath I have ever seen.  Its witty, funny, and the characters are great.  If you haven't seen it I suggest going to your nearest Target and picking it up. 

Dr. Who - Series 2
- Ok.. David Tennant is finally starting to grow on me.  I didn't particularly care for him at first.  Going from the madcap style that was Chris Eccleston's portrayal to the much more dark, straightlaced portrayal by Tennant was a little disconcerting, but its grown on me.  I loved the end of the season even though it made me horribly sad.

Smokin Aces
- Too funny to describe.  Its hilarious.

A Knight's Tale - Ok I realize this was a horribly old movie, but my fiance found it in a bargain bin for $5 the week before Heath Died.  Its like he was haunting us.  We couldn't get away from him at all that week.  We kept running across his movies or seeing things that involved him.  (ie we were flipping channels that week and ran across something that looked like A Knight's Tale, but turned out to be just another movie with some of the same cast called The Order.. it wasn't interesting enough for us to stick around and watch, but just a little creepy).  He will be missed much lik all those actors who have been taken from us before their time (RIP Heath Ledger).

Sweeney Todd
- Disturbingly light-hearted.  I found myself bobbing my head to the music more than once.  Helena Bonham Carter is the best actress to play crazy.  And Johnny Depp can do anything.  I love him in a completely hetero way, but man..

Also on the podcast note I have a new one added to my list from a couple of my favorite Podcasters at Podculture.  Its called The Geek Spin and is available through ITUNES.  Its all about Geeky music and such.  You can get a good helping of geeky music from thefump.com. Also be sure to check out the main page of podculture.net

And one more thing a big round of applause for the two people responsible for me being so into podcasts Randy Mckinney and Wayne Porter of Geekintertainment at Geekshow.us for finally finishing the Angel Investigations series.

Anyways I think that's it for me.  Lots of End of Winter/Beginning of Spring Cleaning still to do..  I hope everyone has a wonderful end of January. 

Dr. Who
Warholian Me
Omg.. ok this is the greatest show I've ever seen.  I just watched like 10 episodes over the past 2 days.  Its so great I don't know what else to say.  If you have never seen it then go grab it.  Its not the cheapest thing out in the universe, but its by and far one of the best sci-fi shows ever.  I can't wait till I get my tax return money in so I can order the next two series and also probably the first series of torchwood.. Ok.. enough of that I'm going back to watching.. This is the greatest thing ever.